The Apple Company is big. Very big. Apple has created another reality within our own. The gadgets and gizmos developed, and smartly advertised, by Apple have produced a more interconnected, (and trendy?) world. Steve Jobs is God, Apple is the universe and the iPad, iPod, etc., are the bibles that rule it all. So what are these electronic biblical devices missing? A set of ten commandments, of course, so let’s head to the top of Mount Cupertino and get some.
1. Thou Shalt Not Steal
Though painfully obvious to Gizmodo and that guy who “found” the iPhone 4.0, its good to remember Apple will open up a fresh can of whoop-ass if you try anything like that. Ever.
2. Thou Shalt Not Create Adult Themed Apps
It is as easy as that, unless you are using a browser like Bing, then you can probably work around this one.
3. Thou Shalt Not Make Yourself An (i)dol
Who knows a douche-bag that has shown off their new iPhone or iPad when they know you can’t afford one until you get paid. What a jerk!
4. Thou Shalt Not Have Any Other Gadgets Before Mine
This is hard to follow because Apple has a tendency to break this commandment with their own new hardware. Take the ipod. It has been clearly replaced with the iphone. Your e-soul should be ok, just don’t get anything Android, or HTC.
5. Thou Shalt Not Make Wrongful Use Of The Name Apple
This is the “in vain” one and it is a wide range commandment. You can’t blaspheme against the company, ask Ellen Degeneres. Also, you probably shouldn’t put the “i” in front of anything. Apple has copyrights all over that.
6. Thou Shalt Not Work On The Holy Day Of WWDC
Goes without saying. I know I don’t work that day. I’m not going to hell, thank you very much.
7. Honor Your Apple Store On Release Day
So that the long lines make the new products even more desirable.
8. Thou Shalt Not Commit Gadget Murder
Recycle your electronics, man. Apple is totally going for that whole “green” image, and stuff.
9. Thou Shalt Not Bare False Witness Using Some Random Patent
There may be a few people who have been burned by the whole, “Thats my patent. I sued Apple, and I lost. I guess I was wrong” theme. Its best to just recognize Apple created everything, forever.
10. Thou Shalt Covet Thy Neighbors New Apple Product
Let’s face it. This is a huge reason for their success.
There you have it. Make sure to follow these commandments, pray daily (there’s an App for that), and may Jobs have mercy on your soul.
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